Why A Relationship After Baby Gets Harder And What To Do?

If you are in the process of preparing for a baby, one of the most important factors to consider is the health of your relationship with one another. It’s so easy to put a ton of emphasis on caring for the new baby that you forget each other.

Realize that it’s natural for the relationship to get harder once a baby arrives. For example, for me, the hardest part was having less freedom (although my wife gives me more free time than I deserve). Having less sleep was again very hard for her. You may find other problems to be more severe.

Embrace the fact that your marriage after baby will get harder. That doesn’t mean that it won’t be sweet, enjoyable or fruitful. The key is to manage your expectations.

You’ll need to learn how to pivot around the curveballs life throws at you when you’re working through nurturing your marriage after a baby arrives. There are quite a few factors to consider that make the journey tough. Take a look at some of the most popular problems. Also, find a few ways you can rise to the challenges, and face them head-on.

You Can’t Avoid Marriage Problems After Having Children

This is just the reality. While there are people who might look at a new baby and wonder what they could possibly fight about, the truth is you’ll be able to fight about everything. Hopefully the fights arent big, but they are there.

Less Sleep

A nice big bed

First, it’s highly likely that both of you will be in a stupor of total delirium because you’re not getting a lot of sleep. Unless you have a nanny, sleep deprivation is a part of the process. Keep in mind that there are moms who admit that they don’t sleep as deeply as they once did when they didn’t have children. So if your wife is irritable from lack of sleep, that’ll be a problem.

Lack Of Freedom

City in the night

The lack of freedom is another problem to consider. After all, you can’t be as spontaneous anymore. There’s a lot more planning involved when you’re maintaining a relationship after baby.

“Planning is the name of the game when you become a parent.”

Even if you’d like to go to a local movie, you have to find a babysitter, pack the right snacks and budget your time accordingly.

Frustration

Man sitting and looking at the floor

When you’re not used to this new reality, it can become frustrating. Speaking of frustration, there will be times when things happen that frustrate you just because.

If you’re two are running late, and the baby decides to have a blow-out diaper, that’s frustrating. If the baby runs a fever and gets everyone sick, that’s frustrating.

Life happens when you have a baby because they’re a new person to consider and care for. While the experience will be filled with its fair share of joyful moments, there are times of great frustration.

Less Sex

Tattooed couple holding each other

When you’re both sleep-deprived with a new baby, it’s all about finding a new normal. During that time, you might not be getting a lot of sex. For starters, the first few weeks after the baby is born, that area is off-limits. Then, you two will quickly realize that sex requires a different level of commitment and effort.

Money

Dollar bills

Lastly, tons of happy marriages end in divorce because of one major factor: money. Your finances can become a significant source of contention after a baby is born. Thankfully, there are ways to address all these issues without losing your relationship.

When The Going Gets Tough, The Tough Get Going

Getting Less Sleep and How to Work Through It?

It’s never fun to deal with the woes of not getting enough sleep. It’s even worse when this happens for months on end. However, there are ways to work through it.

First, it’s a good idea to take turns. Marriage is a partnership!

  • If your wife is breastfeeding the baby, have a conversation about alternating between the breast and the bottle. When your wife can pump and fill up a few bottles, you’re able to feed the baby while she sleeps
  • If the baby is crying and needs to be changed in the middle of the night, assign night duty. If you have night duty on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays, you’ll both be able to alternate in getting rest. When your wife sees you putting in the effort, this can do wonders for your relationship
  • It’s also a great idea to consider sleep-training. There are couples who have babies who sleep twelve hours at a time. This can do so much for the sanity of the couple. Do your research to see if you two can implement a sleep-training plan to help your baby sleep peacefully through the night
  • If your wife has been staying home with the baby for months on end, this can get frustrating for her to feel like herself again. A great gesture involves allowing her to take a full twenty-four hours off. Send her to a really nice hotel for the night. Make reservations for her to enjoy a few spa treatments, breakfast in bed and an Uber to and from your home. This will help her to feel pampered, recharged and relaxed

Experiencing Less Freedom and How to Deal with It?

The freedom to get up and go to the movies or book a spontaneous trip to a foreign country might feel suffocating. However, it’s important to accept reality and create a new normal for your relationship. Sure, you might not be able to drop everything and go. Alternatively, you can plan everything in advance.

There’s nothing with planning and schedules. In fact, when you plan everything out, you’re able to manage your time wisely.

Consider the concept of a budget. If you want to manage your money carefully, you’ll create and stick to a budget. When you stick to a budget, you’re able to see how much money you really do have. As a result, you’re more likely to stick to a plan that works for your financial health. Schedules are like budgets for your time. When you create a schedule that works for your family’s needs, you’ll be able to experience life in a different yet beautiful way.

If you already know that your wife will want to get a coffee break in the evenings and you’d like to enjoy your favorite Italian restaurant, order your dinner. Pick it up on your way home from work. When you get home, you’ll be able to relieve her while she gets her coffee. You’ll get to enjoy your favorite meal from the comfort of your home.

If you really need a little spontaneity in your life, consider hiring a nanny for a few nights each week. Within the hours the nanny is available, you can decide what you’d like to do on the spot. If you two want to enjoy a workout or go to a local museum, you can do so.

But, don’t forget that some activities are great to enjoy with your baby. It’s true that you never know when your baby will spit up or have a massive diaper blow-out. At the same time, you can always carry a great diaper bag that’s equipped with everything you need. Keep the diaper bag stocked. Make sure there’s a stroller in the trunk. When you have a packed diaper bag and stroller on hand, you can go almost anywhere as a family.

Experiencing More Frustration and How to Decrease It?

There will always be something to be frustrated about. Whether it’s a lack of sleep, a lack of sex or the lack of money, it’s easy to look around to find something to complain about.

When you’re in a marriage and want to make it work, it’ll take discipline. This discipline doesn’t just manifest through doing laundry when you don’t feel like it. It’s exercised when you manage your emotions as well.

Be Grateful

Develop the discipline to avoid succumbing to your feelings. When you’re frustrated, look for something to be grateful for. There are so many people who are infertile. The fact that you’re able to have a baby that keeps you up at night is an experience that many people dream of. This doesn’t make the experience any less difficult for you. But, it puts things into perspective.

According to the Economist, there are about 48 million couples in the world longing for a child, and one cycle of IVF costs $12,000-15,000 in the U.S.

Communicate

If you or your wife seem more irritable than usual, have a conversation. Put the baby in the stroller, get outside and enjoy a nice walk around the neighborhood. As you’re able to talk through your feelings, it’ll help you two to connect and release the tension.

Consider A Therapist

Maintaining a marriage after the baby isn’t easy. This is why you may want to have a therapist or counselor you can talk through your emotions with as well.

When your wife’s hormones are everywhere because of the pregnancy, you’ll want to be sensitive to that reality. This is why communication is essential. It’s also wise to get to the root of the frustration. As you talk through what’s bothering you, you might discover that in most cases, you can fix the problem.

At the root, you might be upset about gaining a few pounds during your time away from the gym. The solution might be that you’ll need to prioritize your meal prep habit. You might need to do a few workouts at home or squeeze in time at the gym.

In most cases, the decision to solve the problem is most effective.

Missing Out on Sex and How to Get More Of It?

Sex and intimacy are major components of a marriage. If anyone tries to diminish their importance, don’t listen to them.

However, it’s important to keep sex and intimacy in perspective. Through various seasons of your marriage, things will happen that can impact your sex life. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, an illness or a baby, circumstances can take a toll. The key is to work at maintaining intimacy.

It’s wise to discover each other’s love languages. Acts of service are major for women after they’ve given birth. Talk with one another to find out what makes the other feel most loved. This is an opportunity to get to know her better.

As a dad, you should make a commitment to do your best to serve your wife through this experience. You might not get as much sex at first. At the same time, it’s always important to remember that dry spells don’t last.

Alternatively, if she’s too tired, it’s important for you to take note of where’s she’s spending the most energy. If she’s constantly taking care of the baby, help out. When she sees you helping with the baby or doing chores, this can do a lot for a woman’s libido. You’d be surprised.

Dealing with Financial Problems and How to Change Them?

When you have a new person in the home, you’ll naturally end up spending more on clothing, pampers and more.

If you weren’t prepared for the shift, this could cause some tension. However, there are plenty of ways you can cut back and ease the financial pressure.

Spend Less

  • If you two are used to eating out all the time, cook at home
  • While you’ll want to buy wipes, diapers, and onesies that are brand-new, consider getting all the family clothes from the thrift store. Wash them in bleach, and save tons of money
  • Start using coupons for expenses like oil changes and pedicures

As you’re able to cut back on your spending, you’ll also want to find ways to increase your income. The key is that you want to make more money without spending too much time working for it. Your time and energy are limited when you have a new baby. Start by looking around your house.

Earn More

  • If you have a few items in good condition that you don’t use, list them on reselling websites. Use that as seed money to go to different thrift stores to purchase inventory and resell online. There are tons of people who make a lot of money this way
  • Take a look at your skill set to see how you can easily monetize it. If you’re a great graphic designer, you could first try out the Fiverr. If everything works out great, you could begin advertising your services with a website and social media posts
  • If you have to give up your rental and move in with family for a temporary period, it’ll give you the financial wiggle room you need to survive

Sure, it can be frustrating. However, when you create a plan of action, you can rise above the challenge with your growing family.

Wrapping It Up

There’s nothing worse than seeing a couple lose their marriage after babies enter the picture. It can be such a devastating experience that really doesn’t have to happen. The key is to remain committed to one another.

Yes, it’ll get hard.

Yes, there will be times when you want to quit.

However, if you consider the tips mentioned above, you can experience a deeper, more fulfilling and incredible marriage after baby. Commit to the process, and it’ll reward you in insurmountable ways. 

After a baby, most parents have marriage and relationship problems. This article writes about the most common issues and gives some advice and tips for more intimacy and happiness. Just click to learn more.

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